Women
My New York Minute: Day One
I’ve stopped to take a break in the Financial District to rest a bit and write.
So, I’ve finally made it to New York. It’s big, it’s sweet, and I’m definitely gonna take a bite outta this Big Apple.
Day 1
Took an early flight. As the plane’s engine was revving up for take off, I peered out the window to see the airplane’s wings and thought, “Let’s do this!” Then…I fell asleep.
When the captain announced it would soon be time to land, I felt the plane start to descend, so I decided to open up my window pane and just as I did, my eyes were greeted by the beauty of (more…)
TweetA Rich Happy & Hot November (Audio File)
Get me a ticket for an airplane! Ain’t got time to take a fast train…lonely days are gone…I’m a comin’ up!
I’ll be trekking all the way from Texas to the Big Apple to attend the Business and Lifestyle event, Rich Happy & Hot LIVE with Marie Forleo!
I didn’t win the contest but I’m still going to be part of this amazing event. To get more details on how I went from dreaming about being there to making it a reality, check out the following convivial audio file!
LISTEN HERE
Cheers to going for what you want!
XO Cheryl Chavarria XO
TweetWords of Wisdom from America’s Sweetheart
My boyfriend keeps telling me I’ve got to own things. So, first I bought this car. And then he told me I oughta get a house. ‘Why a house?’ ‘Well, you gotta have a place to park the car.’ -Julia Roberts.
OWN YOUR LIFE.
It belongs to you first. Then whoever you wish to share it with & however you want to live it…well, that’s still a choice you own.
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Self-Definition: Choose Your Mirrors Wisely
An excerpt taken from Walking In This World by Julia Cameron:
“All of us are creative. Some of us get the mirroring to know we are creative, but few of us get the mirroring to know how creative. What most of us get is the worried advice that if we are thinking about a life in the arts, we’d better plan to have “something to fall back on.” Would they tell us that if we expressed an interest in banking?
It could be argued that as people and as artists, we are what we are- however, we also become ourselves, all of ourselves, by having our largeness mirrored back to us.
I think of a scene from the Disney version of Cinderella, when the heroine sees herself in the dress for the first time and realizes she is a beauty…There is a magical “click” of recognition when the looking glass says back,
Yes, we are what we dream.
Too often we lack such mirrors and such transforming moments. No magic wand taps our life to make us into what we dream. Like Rumpelstiltskin, the artist most frequently has to name himself.
“I am an artist”- a filmmaker, a composer, a painter, a sculptor, an actor, or something {a convivial woman}- something the outer world has yet to acknowledge.”
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My Shedventure to the Mexican town of San Miguel de Allende
I was graciously asked to be a guest writer by Bindu Wiles for The Shed Project, an 8-week adventure in letting go that she launched in early September. The project is about coming together as an online community, to support each other in letting go of excess baggage, of whatever is weighing you down. It could be your need to let go of material goods, negative thought patterns, a job, a lifestyle, etc. It’s still going on, so if you haven’t joined in, learn more here.
So, here’s my story about a time when I let go of all that was comfortable, of a life I was no longer happy living, and the details of the results yielded from taking a risk and following my heart’s desire…
Every act of creation starts with a feeling.
TweetLife Is Movement. Pace Yourself.
Life is Movement. Accept this confrontation. Move ahead. Don’t be scared by the challenges of life, because life is fully worth living. -Paulo Coehlo
These are the words of wisdom and truth that Paulo Coehlo shares in this video and they especially speak to me at this point in time, because I am always about movement, always ready to adapt and accept change, but lately, I’ve been feeling like I can’t keep up and need to cut back. Feeling out of breath, looking every which way, spreading myself too thin, easily frustrated, not able to focus, being hard on myself, and it has definitely taken its toll on me physically since all last week I was under the weather. It’s all because change is on the horizon.
And now a blog challenge! Yes, I’m still hanging in there. Taking on the idea of writing and posting something every day is conjuring up memories of the summer I came down from Chicago to stay with my family in Abilene, Texas.
The year was 1993 and I was 12 going on 13 years old, but acted as if I was mature enough to get into the local boot scootin’ bar called none other than Boot Scooters. I remember my aunt telling me, “Cheryl, you’re too direct. Boys aren’t gonna like that.” The hell they haven’t liked it! It’s worked like a charm.
That was the summer Green Day made their debut on MTV and I couldn’t get enough. Pearl Jam introduced us to Jeremy and I fell in love with Eddie Veder. My summer consisted of babysitting my three cousins, swimming, flirting with a boy named Fonzie, making rice crispy treats for that boy Fonzie, shopping with babysitting money, wishing Fonzie would kiss me as November Rain played in the background on MTV, meeting Reese Witherspoon onscreen for the first time and kissing my hand like her sister did in Man in the Moon, having deep conversations with my 29 year old aunt, and chronicling all of it in my five subject notebook diary. I needed the space and certainly filled it!
I wrote in my first diary at age 9 and by this summer had reached a point where I had to write every single day (emphasis on “single”). When I was having too much fun on my summer break and didn’t write about it, I found myself stressing and thinking, “Oh my gosh! I’m three days behind on writing!” I guess in looking back, if I didn’t document it, it was as if it had never happened.
But of course that wasn’t true. It just proves how dedicated I was to writing. It was my thing, my must-do…besides devouring endless hours of MTV and oreo cookies while my cousins took their naps.
Today, I am a wife, mother of two boys, an entrepreneurial mama, a passionate friend, wine drinker (petite syrah baby), occasional social butterfly, convivial life strategist, and ultimately, a writer.
Hmm…subconscious part of me speaking when I leave writer for the end! It’s just an example of the reality that many times, life takes over and I just need to go with it and when the universe conspires in my favor as far as quiet time is concerned, then you’d better believe, I’m gonna write about it.
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Infertility Treatments for Ambitious Women
I was listening to The Diane Rehm Show on National Public Radio (NPR) and the show was about Infertility’s Legal Issues– the technology available to assist women with conception and how the laws are behind the trend when things go wrong.
As I listened, Diane introduced fertility doctor, Dr. Paul Gindoff and he proceeded to talk about what infertility treatments were and started promoting them as a great method for women to use if they wanted to postpone having children solely because of their desire to pursue a career.
He made it sound easy to consider this route by saying any woman could wait to have a baby, that she could have it whenever she wanted, and she could do it this way. “Was this a commercial break?!” I thought. Definitely not. This was a guest, a medical doctor making it seem the control was all in the woman’s hands, that the timing didn’t matter and these technologies could guarantee her the desired outcome which was a baby.
I was immediately reminded of the book by Silvia Ann Hewlett called Creating A Life: What Every Woman Needs To Know About Having a Career and a Baby. Here’s a brief excerpt from the book which tells you why it came to mind:
The plain fact is, if you are a career woman who has had the tenacity to nurture both a career and a long-term loving relationship, you might well be on the wrong side of 35 before you have time to draw breath and contemplate having a child- exactly the point in life when infertility rears its ugly head. Media hype notwithstanding, the new reproductive technologies have not solved fertility problems for forty-something women.
I’d add that the reproductive technologies have not solved the problems for thirty-something and even late twenty-something women either. I’ve known many women who sought medical intervention to conceive a child because nature simply wasn’t cooperating with their bodies, not because they held off too long due to career aspirations.
The stories and statistics given in Creating A Life about women who went this route and couldn’t conceive, even after years of infertility treatment show a different side of this reality. It’s not as easy, yet media doesn’t talk about those women and their stories. Hearts are broken, relationships are strained, bank accounts are stressed and no baby results. When it comes to what is reported on infertility treatment, there’s lots of coverage on Hollywood actresses and singers having babies in their 40’s, and of course, OctoMom’s latest shenanigans or Kate Gosselin and her 8 kids she supposedly doesn’t care for because she has desires to dance.
Trouble on the conception front is far too common nowadays, so for this doctor to make it sound like getting pregnant has never been easier for women, well, I’m just a tad bit annoyed by the misinformation. I’m sure there are women out there he may be speaking to, but I would find it hard to see them as the majority of interested clients.
This may have also hit a nerve for me, because I had trouble initially conceiving both my children. The reasons behind this were potentially related to stress, unhealthy eating, a non-active lifestyle, therefore causing an imbalance in hormones, possible endometriosis, and resulting in infertility. I never found out if I had endometriosis, because I took a different path to conceive my children by first trying to get to the root of my problem and correcting the imbalance.
Then I explored Mayan Abdominal Massage via The Arvigo Technique which is a non-invasive massage for the female reproductive organs and it worked for me. I highly recommend it as a first resort solution to infertility and overall women’s health. I drove from Dallas to Austin to have it done by Elizabeth Quigg of Sirisage and firmly believe it helped me get pregnant with both my boys. The timing was too impeccable not to believe in it. And although I didn’t go the invitro route doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have considered it. I just never made it to that point and I’m thankful for that.
Like Dr. Rosita Arvigo of The Arvigo Technique once said,
“Give nature half the chance and she has a miracle in store for you.”
In my case, it was two miracles.
TweetComplimentary Gift For You!
An open invitation to any woman who wants to know her power, act more confidently, and live more convivially…
FREE INSPIRATIONAL DOWNLOAD FOR YOU!
Last year on my 30th birthday, I was inspired to be the giver vs. receiver of gifts. Such an act of pure selflessness gave me a great sense of what it means to be convivial and has served as a lasting memory for me and those who celebrated with me.
I’ve decided to make it a yearly ritual and this year’s birthday present has your name on it!
I’m deeply grateful for all the support and love you have shown Convivial Society, so here’s some love right back at ya!
Download your FREE COPY of
THE CONVIVIAL WOMAN: A Declaration Of Who You Are (more…)
The Convivial Woman Photography Project
This is the start to my newest creative adventure and its my deep longing to give women yet another reason to radiate, to smile, to laugh, to be the center of attention, and have all eyes on them.
I’m calling it The Convivial Woman Photography Project and the fun is just beginning! My plan is to provide a space that will encourage each woman’s convivial spirit to find freedom in the moment, in front of my camera, and come out to play. With the click of a button, I capture her spirit forever.
I don’t have a set idea on how many women I’ll photograph, but they’re lining up and I’ll have to let pure inspiration lead the way and see what happens. When all is said and done, my purpose is to ask every woman this question:
How do you want to be remembered?
We can choose to answer in many ways, but how often do we choose to answer it in the form of a photo shoot? This is the opportunity and experience I want to give.
So! To introduce my first Convivial Woman, I photographed my long-time friend and once upon a time colleague in the world of Finance, Maribel. She’s a born and bred Dallas girl, mother of two beautiful children, devoted family member, extremely hard-working and the best confidant a girl could have. She’s got the most gentle of hearts and I’ve gotta pimp this message out to the world when I say she has massive brainpower! When I’m stuck and need a good brainstorming session, she’s my go-to girl. When I’m with her, I can be myself 100%. We all need those women in our lives! Last but not least, I gotta say…she eats her food in the cutest of ways. No really, it’s a joy to watch her begin a meal.
Without further delay, Get access to her photo shoot by clicking on the album below. Go ahead…you know you want to!
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| Convivial Woman Photography Project |
Permission to be a Woman
Over the weekend, I went to a family gathering and met a couple and their daughter for the first time. While sitting at the table conversing, their 8-year-old little girl came from upstairs to tell her parents the other girls she was playing with were not being nice to her, saying things like they didn’t want to be her friend anymore and then she began crying when she said one of the girls had slapped her. Errr! Put the needle back on the record!
I was sitting next to the mother hearing bits and pieces of the discussion and what really threw me overboard was when the girl’s father, who seemed uncomfortable with her crying, asked her, “Well, did it hurt?” I thought, “What?!” Was he insinuating, “If it didn’t hurt enough or leave a mark on you, then hush up and take it like a man.” Was this his idea of tough love? I didn’t hear if the mother said anything about the slap, but that comment didn’t sound good to me. I don’t believe they didn’t care about their daughter, but it didn’t appear that they took her negative experience seriously.
I’m reminded of a friend who shared with me and a few others how she cries too easily and feels weak when it happens in front of her kids and husband, but she says she can’t help it, it’s just how she is. Another friend sitting next to her said, “Oh, that makes me feel so much better, because I am the SAME way! I cry so easily too and hate it.” That same friend brought up crying on another occasion and asked me, “When was the last time you cried?” I went blank. You see, I have trouble crying. I feel the emotions building up within me and wanting to burst out like a volcano, but throughout my life, I had experiences like the 8-year-old little girl and learned to tame my emotions to a flaw. It’s even affected me when it comes to showing excitement at times. I feel this blockage. I base my reaction on logic versus emotion in most instances.
When I heard Eve Ensler of The Vagina Monologues once say, “We are emotional creatures,” I was relieved beyond belief. It was the first time someone had validated my nature. Somewhere along the way, I became a victim to the myriad messages I heard in times of extreme vulnerability telling me to be strong, tough it out, to save it for later, hold it in, don’t start, not now, I don’t want to hear it, suck it up, and the times my tears were questioned. I was being questioned for just being…a girl.
Here’s what Eve Ensler thinks about being a girl:
I think the whole world essentially has been brought up NOT to be a girl. To be a boy really means NOT to be a girl. To be a man means NOT to be a girl. To be a woman means NOT to be a girl. To be strong means NOT to be a girl. To be a leader means NOT to be a girl. I actually think that being a girl is so powerful that we’ve had to train everyone NOT to be that.
We come into this world crying; it’s how the doctor stimulates us to confirm that we are alive. But once we leave, we are encouraged for the rest of our lives to repress our tears, our emotions, hence our very nature. Being an emotional creature is the very essence of being a woman. I would be a man otherwise! I’ll admit that I have been much more in touch with my masculine side than my feminine side for a long time. It’s a form of self-preservation and protection and has served me well, but I am trying to find balance and embrace the more vulnerable aspects of myself.
Thankfully, becoming a mother to two boys has helped me release my tears easier. It happens at unexpected moments, like when my oldest took a ride on his first bike and called out to everyone standing watch to see what he was doing. I was filled with such joy that the tears just flowed and felt good. My husband is a wonderful example of an emotional creature who happens to be a man.:) Tears flowed from his eyes before he could get the words out of his mouth the day he said he was in love with me. I remember wiping all the tears from his cheeks. I can’t help to think life paired us together for a good reason. I wouldn’t doubt it. There are so many opportunities to learn a new way to be, to reverse the blocked pathways in my memory so pure emotions can flow once again. And I’m open…open to them all. I admire tears and vulnerability and humility. I want to experience it all with abandon myself. I want to make it a life long practice.
Quote taken from Eve Ensler’s Embrace Your Inner Girl talk on Ted.com.
TweetThe Definitive Regal Chic Brunch
Recently, I was inspired to put on the ritz in the form of a Regal Chic brunch for my girlfriends. There was no exceptional reason for the occasion other than my desire to spoil the women in my life and give them an experience they wouldn’t forget. How many women want to be spoiled? Raising my hand! But, how often do women spoil each other? It’s all about letting love get the best of us and spreading the joy. I gave my friends one month’s notice to mark their calendars for the event; told them to save the date and gave no inkling of what to expect. Little by little, a vision for the event began to reveal itself to me and with each new inspiring thought, I took to the stores and prepared for the big day. Initially, it was suppose to be a convivial day spent with just my friends, but then the whole life coaching with Lisa Carmen came about, and I began to think about challenging myself in ways I hadn’t before, so I chose to treat the brunch as a mini-workshop. It was an opportunity to take my efforts to empower and inspire women offline and stand before them in person. I was nervous about what I would do, what I would say, how the whole presentation aspect of the event would flow, but I decided to take the risk, to face any fears that might surface and put myself out there in a new way. It was time to take the stage.
When the day came and all was set to go, I felt my power coming through for me like a dear friend. I was no longer worried about what could go wrong or what I could miss saying to get my desired message across, and I especially wasn’t listening to the voice within saying, Who do you think you are doing this…What gives you the right to stand before a group of women and want to empower them…You don’t have anything valid to say…blah blah blah. I decided to let my heart lead the way and surrendered my desire for complete control. What a relief it was to be a follower! I felt such confidence as everything slowly came together. My guests began to show up and wanted to offer a helping hand, but I smiled and said, “I’ve got it covered. Just enjoy yourself today.” It felt wonderful to serve others, to offer all the love in me without any conditions, any expectations of getting payback.
When all was said and done, the event was a hit! I allowed the weight of the world to fall off my shoulders, thus creating a similar atmosphere for the women in my company. We had entered into a Convivial Society and anything was possible. I saw joy, expressions of pure elation, witnessed the little girl in every woman playing and giggling as they participated in the meal and activities. I felt light on my feet, formless, as if only my spirit walked around overseeing the event. I believe that’s what truly happened. My mother was my right-hand woman in bringing it all to fruition and I couldn’t have thought of anyone better to choose as my partner. By taking on the challenge to stand before friends as The Convivial Woman, I had stepped into a new realm. I had taken the idea of a Convivial Society and turned it into a real place, a real moment, for real women. I can only move forward from this point on and the ideas for more events are making their way to the forefront of my mind’s eye. Creation…it’s quite the beauty to experience. Fear or no fear, I’m wide awake and behind this wheel now…there’s no turning back.
Feast your eyes on the brunch pictures by clicking directly on the album below.
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| The Definitive Regal Chic Brunch |
In Silence: All You Want, All You’ve Ever Wanted
I began the weekend by focusing on my home to clean and clear space for all that I want the next week, month and year to bring. After shaking my tail to Lady Gaga while wiping down the kitchen counter, I switched to my Bebe Pandora station and heard the song Pa Mi Casa (To My House) for the first time. After just a few lyrics,
I stopped everything I was doing and raced to write down a few lines from the song, but then more lyrics kept coming and I couldn’t help how they were making me feel, so I decided the song needed to go down in convivial history as yet another must-share moment. Hence today’s post. The more I listened to the musical message, the more I found my discovery of the song and Bindu Wiles’ newly announced community project, The Shed Project, to be perfectly timed. It was a superior example of synchronicity in action.
If you’re in process of embarking on a new journey and letting go of all you know, whether in the grandest or smallest of ways, I invite you to listen to Bebe’s song and ponder her words, THEN read all about Bindu’s plan to let herself go for ten straight months!
Note: Is Spanish not your native tongue? Mine neither (it’s my second), so I’ve offered up my best translation of the song lyrics below.
Pa Mi Casa / To My Home
Now I return to my house
I say goodbye to you for the time being
‘cause I feel like being the girl
who at many times no one believed.
You have to look within
for if the river is running dry
know that below the earth
an ocean travels.
The prairies of my land
Meet with the sky
And that is where I rest
And look for my memories.
There are those who prefer bigger things
for me, I prefer the small
The distance helps you to look
with much less fear
I want to return to closing my eyes
to see what I want
I have no fear of the time passing
but that it passes and memories will be lost
In silence
In silence
There is all that I want, all that I’ve ever wanted
We accumulate so much
And breathe much less
Each day the air is less pure
And every day that passes I continue missing you.
Go wherever you may go
I’d even die for you
For the prairies of my land
Meet with the sky
And that is where I rest
And look for my memories.
In silence
In silence
There is all I want, all I’ve ever wanted
There is all I want, all I’ve ever wanted.
Spanish Lyrics here.
photo courtesy of www.centraluno.com
