Archive for September, 2011
CHOOSING (where) TO LIVE: following my heart to Austin, TX
In 2009, I took this picture while showing my husband around Austin, Texas. We were passing through a random neighborhood near downtown and a small sign hanging to the side of this home’s front door caused me to hit the brakes and reverse with tires screeching, saying, “Oh my God, I don’t believe this!” When my husband got a closer look, he was just as baffled. More on the sign’s message soon…
Two years later, I’m here to tell you my family is moving from Dallas to Austin, TX. This potential move has been at the forefront of our dinner table conversation since I first proposed the idea in 2009, so it’s cause for me to jump for joy!
There were many times I thought it might not ever happen
-initially, my husband wasn’t eager about starting over in a new city. Most men aren’t. However, he eventually grabbed onto the anchor I kept throwing out to him from my imaginary turquoise-colored sailboat. You know, the one I’ve yet to buy to set asail on the waters of Lake Travis…it’s on my To-Have list once I settle in Austin. Hey, who said dreams can’t have a domino effect?
Before The Convivial Woman came to be, this space was known as Convivial Society and the mantra I was inspired to live by was
“Know Your Power. Live Your Life.”
For many years, I had this lingering feeling of resistance when it came to settling down in Dallas. Big D was where I was brought by my parents at age 16 to live after my brother started getting involved in Chicago street gangs.
I finished high school here, got my start in Banking while I put myself through college, thus graduating from The University of Texas at Dallas, and I found love and got married here.
I was busy and had my head in a lot of things, but once all those projects were complete, my heart was free to roam.
I acquired many friendships and enjoyed living five minutes away from mom and dad, but still…every time I’d travel, there went that lingering feeling again.
Initially, I wanted to move to San Francisco or back to Chicago, but I allowed outside factors and other people’s feelings to get in the way of my personal endeavors. So, I stayed put. I tried the whole “Change your thoughts, Change your life” mentality and told myself, “If Mark Cuban can make it here, I can too!” But I was lying to myself which only fueled the fire within.
I’d already had my first son, a cute little house and two dogs to call home, but it wasn’t all I envisioned. Was I an unsatisfied, ungrateful woman for wanting more, or perhaps just something slightly different? I didn’t think so.
I was willing to make adjustments and be flexible in my dreaming, but not fully surrender it.
Knowing that I didn’t want to venture too far from mom and dad (for grandkids sake- I know what it’s like to grow up without extended family and holiday get togethers) I decided if there was anywhere in Texas I wanted to be, it was Austin.
I tapped into my 6-year-old little girl’s mind and remembered the hills and winding roads, the sweetest summer time nectarines picked up at H.E.B., the grandeur of the state capitol building, and the feeling of care-free joy when I visited my family in this Texas town. It truly felt like a homecoming for me. Every time. Can’t forget to mention my first tour of 6th street riding on my uncle’s Harley at 16 years old!
Austin reminded me of my family, my roots, something so familiar to me, so I set my sights on her and gathered the courage to tell my hubby.
It was a bumpy ride at first, but I told myself that compromising this feeling would be fatal to my fierce spirit.
There were times when it seemed not worth fighting for, but as I stared out toward my backyard one morning, I remember thinking to myself (just as a tear rolled down my cheek) that I’d be a hypocrite to talk the talk of “Know Your Power, Live Your Life” if I didn’t walk the walk and fight the fight…IF it had to be one at all. It was a true test of will and desire and thankfully, my husband and I made it happen… together. That is KEY.
In the early stages of this dream, when it seemed hard to get on the same page, I once imagined myself driving down I-35 toward Austin, yelling out the window like Winona Ryder in Mermaids, “I wanna lead a violent and exciting liiiiiiife!”- with belongings in tow and hubby tied up in the trunk, of course. There’s a Thelma and Louise aspect to me, but I wasn’t determined to make it happen that way!
Compromises can be made, but when it comes to what makes you happy, if the other doesn’t give you a chance to explore that feeling, then there are other issues to consider between the two of you.
And the compromises have to feel good for both or they’ll resurface in other ways later. So, be true to you and everyone reaps the benefits, even if there’s resistance at first.
So, we’re off to the state capitol of Texas and in search of our next home! It’s bitter sweet to be packing up and a surreal sensation to be the one putting up the “For Rent” sign in front of my house. Kinda felt like I was in an old school 21st Century real estate commercial!
Now, about that sign on a random house in Austin two years ago…
When it comes to listening to my heart and being the one to choose a place where I could feel truly at home, here’s why I believe someone, somewhere, somehow was conspiring in my favor two years ago…it said:
Know your power…Live your life. Indeed.
P.S. What deep desires have you been shoving to the back burner? How badly do you want to taste them? What’s it going to take for you to act on them? I’d love to hear from you!
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A Convivial Homecoming: A Return to Chicago and Myself
After the dip, there’s only one way to go and that is up.
Taking a trip back to my hometown of Chicago, the place where I spent the most influential years of my life, proved to be a great way to bring me back to the core of who I am after I’d experienced a dip in my own life.
During my time there, my hubby grabbed us some wheels at Bobby’s Bike Hike and we biked from Navy Pier along the lakeshore to Fullerton avenue to Clark street to Wrigley Field and all the way back down Clark to the Willis Tower! If you’re a local, you’ll know how much distance we covered! If not, I’m gonna guess we did about 15-20 miles.
I gathered with my old neighborhood pals, friends with whom I kept the Sabbath day holy (back in my parentally-imposed religious days), and with grammar school chums.
Among other typical tourist spots, we also (more…)
Tweet6 Convivial Tips To Bounce Back From Rejection
“People will forget what you say, what you do, but they never forget how you made them feel.”
-Maya Angelou
Rejection…being judged…it happens to us all.
I’ve certainly had my fair share of rejection. Like these moments in particular…
I’m in New York at a conference that promotes authenticity, love, and support for your fellow woman in business. After the first night’s activities, I get invited to have dinner with some women whose work I love and support, then (more…)
TweetMarking the 10-year Anniversary of the 9-11 Attacks
9-11. Osama Bin Laden. Terrorism. “Let’s Roll”. Firefighters. NYC. The Pentagon. Shanksville. Jihad. Muslim Extremists. Operation Enduring Freedom. Afghanistan. Taliban. Smoke ’em Out.
These are the words that mark a day in the lives of my generation of Americans.
I was 22 years-old, finishing up college and in the midst of starting to plan my wedding to a man who I was hopelessly in love with. It was to be our beginning, however on September 11, 2001, everything changed.
On that day, three planes were hijacked and our country was under attack. The Twin Towers were struck and soon crumbled to pieces, our Pentagon was partially destroyed, and Pennysylvania had a new hole in the ground of their state’s landscape.
Indeed, it was a traumatic event in mine and my countrymen’s lives.
I felt it. I felt it so deeply that I temporarily stopped planning for my future and simply sat in silence, watching what would unfold as Operation Enduring Freedom. I was scared and uncertain of what lie ahead…
Ten years later, I send up a big peace sign and all the love in my heart to every American and every immigrant who appreciates and has made America their home country.
Everyone contributes something beautiful to this land if they choose to. So if you’re here for now or for good, make the choice to contribute the best in you. If not, well, you know where you can go.
I wish for God (or whatever you call your “being” and sense of consciousness) to bless us all, for their to be unity and harmony, for people’s beliefs and way of living to be fully respected.
9-11 gifted me with one solid understanding of one thing:
Although, I have a deep appreciation for all countries and cultures, if ever a question is posed as to who I’d go to war for, if ever attacked and need to defend a land, if ever called to serve, to stand for a nation of people, it’d be Americans, because I am American and I represent the United States of America.
Stay true,
5 Natural Remedies for a Convivial Woman’s Depression
Hey Convivial world of mine!
It’s been 3 months and I’m back. At least, I think it’s been that long since I last felt my true self.
Confession: I think I experienced depression for the first time.
I actually googled the symptoms and had many of them. Fatigued. Check. Hard time getting out of bed to face the day. Check. Preferred extreme isolation to socialization. Yup. Lack of focus and clarity. Writers block. A sense of hopelessness. All there in the imaginary dark room with me.
Having the sudden blues from one moment to the next. Oh yeah. Not being able to tear myself away from episode after episode of Mob Wives and Basketball Wives. Yikes! One could argue and say I was doing “research” to better understand the dynamics of female relationships, but I’m not one to shit ya…THAT’S when I knew something was seriously wrong!
I’m a full-time mama who is committed to nurturing her individuality, the writer in her, and building a convivial brand of her own
BUT I do the writing and empire building once my little bambinos hit the hay. It’s not always an easy feat, it can get overwhelming, and all three adventures (mama, writer, entrepreneur) take a ton of practice and patience.
Word to ya muthas: There’s no place like the home we make and no such thing as “life balance.” Don’t quote me on that, I’m just living it. I continue to juggle and drop occasional balls, but the key is learning to pick up your delicate heart along with all the balls and keep juggling. My own lessons continue and I just want to be brave enough to write about them here.
