“Up” Your Convivial Game: 3 Part Series

Decision 1: Work with a coach and do some inner work

There were plenty of strategic decisions which led me to decide on and make the transition from Convivial Society to The Convivial Woman. Self-awareness, personal motivation, outrageous self-belief, intentional tribe building, conscious action and the beauty of synchronicity all played their part in this new creation.

The idea to possibly change the name of the site first came to me in the Fall of 2010 while working with my coach, Lisa Carmen of SacredSexyU. Lisa’s coaching is normally geared for women who want to reconnect with their sense of self, femininity or sexuality, and she even offers sensual dance and movement sessions, but I didn’t necessarily find myself lacking or needing to connect with myself in those ways.

Instead, I saw my connection with Lisa as divine intervention. When I first quit my job in banking and returned from being on sabbatical in central Mexico in 2005, I was searching for answers, signs to help me along my new path as a writer. I came across a flyer at the local bookstore of a group called Spark, for women wanting inspiration and connection. I signed up for the updates, received a couple of email newsletters and remember the group organizer’s name was Lisa Olson, but I never made it to any event and went on living my life.

Fast-forward to 2010, a girl named Lisa Carmen “friends” me on Facebook and begins showering me with praise and support for what I was doing with Convivial Society. I felt this sense of dejavu when I looked at her pictures and read her words, then…it hit me that this was the same woman who had organized the Spark events! Inspiration and connection for women, eh? I was delighted and had experienced yet another full circle moment in my life. The first one happened when I arrived at the Casa Azul in Coyoacan, a suburb outside of Mexico City, to visit the home of Frida Kahlo, a woman whose life and art I’ve always been fascinated by. She painted her reality, I wrote mine.

As an intentional tribe builder

someone who is very conscious of the company she keeps, I always make it a point to connect with women whose energy, talents and experience can contribute to my own. There have been many women who I felt instantly drawn to. When I meet or see them in action for the first time, I usually think, Wow…so talented, so gifted…I could totally learn from her. Instead of competition, its collaboration for me. It allows for much more expansion between individuals than conflict does, but I know all too well that conflict can’t always be avoided either.

When I met Lisa, I believe life had sent me my first challenge to step onto the stage I’d created for myself at Convivial Society. Lisa was proof of someone in the audience who was listening, who wanted to be part of the experience I was dreaming up. On my drive home, I recalled our first in-person conversation and the occasional feeling of vulnerability and discomfort I felt. Her curiosity and inquiry into what I wanted out of life shook my comfort zones up a bit and provoked a shift in me; I wanted to better understand why that had happened and felt a great sense of responsibility to do some inner work.

It wasn’t long after thanking Lisa for our initial meeting that I blurted out over email, “I want to work with you!” When she replied, “I would be honored to work with you!” I could have backed out, and I won’t lie and say there wasn’t a split second when I felt like running for cover. I thought, “Ooh…should I?” but since it’s my intention to make every personal interaction with me memorable and special and to be impeccable with my word, I proceeded instead by shaking off the fear and telling myself, Fuck doubt, and replied to her saying, “Let’s DO this.”

As my husband says, “Energy attracts energy” and your body will lure you to people, places and feelings you crave. When it comes to what you want to create for your life, resourcefulness on one’s own part is crucial. Lisa and I share a kindred spirit and my desires called out to her abilities and l believe that’s what led us to one another, but the story could’ve ended there had I not thought strategically about how to reach my goals and sought her out to coach me. Making that decision helped me get clear on my life purpose and take the steps toward fulfilling it. I remember the time when Lisa flat out told me that my purpose was “to be The Convivial Woman.” It was up to me to determine what that all entailed.

My work is only beginning…

Having a good sense of self-awareness allows you to be vigilant to necessary signs, to people who can guide you, and gives you the ability to know when its time to ask for help when you need it. By converting my Facebook connection to a Client/Coach experience, a new world and friendship opened up to me. I am reminded of my favorite quote by Anais Nin:

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”

One connection led to another, two distinct worlds came together, and it all started with one decision. This was the beginning to stepping out of my comfort zone as writer on the down-low. I’m now working this digital stage as The Convivial Woman and there’s no telling what will happen next.

Stay tuned for the 2nd part of this series next Wednesday when I share my experience on how I committed to making time to dream, to work, and to write (or whatever your genius is) so I could “up” my convivial game.


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